When I first came out in the mid-90’s and began to hang around with other queer folks, I was embarrassed to be identified in the same group as those who were transgendered. It pains me to say that, so much so that 10 years later I’m sitting in Starbucks with tears in my eyes. I tend to offer blog confesions a lot, a mix of both seeking absolution and a hope others can learn from my plethora of mistakes, and let’s be very clear, I won’t be running out of teaching material anytime soon!
There was woman at the small gay church I attended who was transgendered. She’d been born with a biological male but all her life had known her true self to be a woman. She said her body had never belonged to her, that when she was a little boy she knew inside she was a little girl. While living in society in a way that matched her biological body, she married a woman, had children, went to her job everyday and took her family to church every Sunday. Sometimes when their children were in bed and her wife was out of the house, she’d put on her wife’s clothes and imagine herself out among people being seen and accepted as a woman. I don’t know how long this all went on but at some point she could live the lie no more and so she began dressing as a woman in public, changed her name legally and began a new life defining herself to the world as woman. Because that’s what she was inside.
When I first met her she was in her fifties and my first impression was she was a man in a dress. Whether by intentional choice or by financial limitations she’d never pursued medical treatments or gender re-assignment surgery, and there was nothing about her physical appearance that passed well to the world as a woman. Here was a human being who must have already endured more inner turmoil and ridicule in her life than I will ever know in mine but instead of being moved by compassion, I was uncomfortable and embarrassed. I didn’t want to be identified with her. I didn’t want to have to explain or defend her to the world while I was so preoccupied on trying to get the world to understand what it meant for me to be a lesbian. The T in GLBT made me squirm.
I don’t remember the time or circumstances that led to my change of heart and attitude. I don’t know if I heard someone speak or I read a book or watched a movie that began the shift for me. Whatever it was God used it to nudge me to repentance. And a call to repentance it was, complete with remorse, confession, and actively turning another way. And though I have so far to go, I continue to turn. Along the way I’ve been blessed, and I mean that in the most absolute real way, to spend time learning and growing from folks like Erin Swenson, Justin Tanis, Malcolm Himschoot and Virginia Mollenkott, while in my previous work at the Center for Lesbian and Gay Studies in Religion and Ministry I was given the opportunity to attend their first Transgender Religious Leadership Summit. Okay, by attend I mean I prepared all the meals for the Transgender Religious Leadership Summit but I eavesdropped over the lunch table conversations so cut me some slack, and they raved about my food which I mention for no particular reason other than for my ego!
Wow, did I digress there so let me jump back in by dissecting the GLBTQ. Sexual orientation and gender-identity are two separate issues. GLB represents gay, lesbian, and bisexual and their definitions are reasonably clear. Those who identify as gay and lesbian are sexually attracted to the same sex. Bisexuals are sexually attracted to both sexes. All three are related to sexual orientation.
The T stands for transgender and is a more sweeping term which includes those individuals who in one way or another cross gender lines. It includes transsexuals who identify themselves as the opposite sex to what their physical anatomy suggests. They may or may not have re-assignment surgery to line up their physical body with their internal identity. It also includes transvestites who often dress in clothing more commonly identified with the opposite sex. Wherever individuals fall under the definition of transgender, their primary issue concerns gender identity.
The Q as I use it represents all those who are questioning some aspect of their sexual orientation or identity and for those who identify as queer having refused to let established gender definitions limit their self-definition. For my straight readership, all 2.3 of you, queer is a pejorative term that’s been reclaimed by some GLBT people as an all encompassing term while being one of those words that becomes offensive when used by those outside it’s definition.
Getting back to where I was about 103 words ago, sexual orientation and gender identity are two separate issues and for that reason some GLB voices, individual and organizational, resist including the T. They want to distance themselves for reasons ranging from the political to the personal.
While it’s true the particulars of our lives might be different, we’re all dealing with issues related to human sexuality. Whether gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgendered, we’ve experienced exclusion from the church, and have been at the receiving end of prejudice, intolerance, and hate because something about us doesn’t fit within the rigid boundaries that society has created around human sexuality. The line goes that men are suppose to be sexually attracted to women and women to men and individuals born with a penis are male and those born with a vagina are women. It’s black and white and set in stone, but we’re saying it’s not. We don’t fit within those perimeters and rather than accepting that our understanding of human sexuality doesn’t include us, we’re saying that our understanding of human sexuality is too narrow and we need to expand our minds and our definitions. The way I see it is that when we talk in broad terms and the issue is human sexuality and the goal is justice, then GLBTQ all falls under the same umbrella.
If others need to be particular fine. Wait. No, it’s not fine and it’s not fine for the simple reason that it’s never acceptable for those who have been oppressed to oppress. It’s never reasonable or understandable or excusable for those who have been marginalized to push someone else out to the edges. Never.
As gays, lesbians and bisexuals we have the responsibility to do exactly for our transgendered brothers and sisters as we expect others to do for us. We need to educate ourselves to transgendered issues and acquaint ourselves with the lives of transgendered men and women. We need to focus on our commonality, build understanding at our points of difference, and then make space for each other under the umbrella. We really need to do this because it’s what the Gospel has been calling us to do all along. As we continue to move forward in our Christian walk as gay and lesbian people, I want to suggest we don’t limit our vision or commitment to ourselves alone but to any and all who stand this side short of full equality and inclusion in the church and society.
If you want to gain a better understanding of trans folks, here are a few excellent resources from a transgender faith perspective.
Trans-Faith Online - A premier site complete with original text, audio, and video resources housed in the section on Basics.
Ministare - Personal blog of Rev. Sean Parker Dennison
Call Me Malcolm - A professionally produced 90 minute documentary that follows the journey of Rev. Malcolm Himschoot while in seminary that highlights his struggles with faith, love and gender identity.
A sharply divided California Supreme Court today legalized same-sex marriage, a historic ruling that will allow gay and lesbian couples across the state to wed as soon as next month and inflame the social, political and moral debate over gay unions. In a 4-3 ruling written by Chief Justice Ronald George, the Supreme Court struck down California laws that restrict marriage to heterosexual couples, finding that it is unconstitutional to deprive gays and lesbians of the equal right to walk down the aisle with a marriage license in hand. Mercury News, 60 minutes ago
In the summer of 2001 D and I filed and were granted legal domestic partnership in the State of California. On April 6, 2002 D and I had a Christian wedding at Peace Lutheran Church before friends, family, and God, accompanied by a whole lot of cake. On February 15, 2004 we had a civil ceremony at San Francisco City Hall that was later invalidated by the courts.
With today’s landmark news it looks like we’re going to have one more walk down the aisle in the near future.
I’m going to keep marrying this beautiful girl until it finally takes.
I know more than you think I do and I have Wordpress Stats to thank. The statistics page provides all kinds of information that completes my life. For example, it lets me know how many people visit everyday, what website you visited that led you here, the words you entered into a search engine to find me (that info alone is worth a blog post at a future date!) and whether you followed the instructions to wash, rinse, and repeat as spelled out for you on your shampoo. I’m sorry to report that a few of you fail to repeat on a regular basis. You know who you are. So do I.
The other odd little statistic that means nothing to anyone but me, whereas your propensity to disregard clearly printed shampoo directions is a concern to us all, is that most of you are coming on-site to read the posts rather than using a RSS feed. Now, that’s fine with me since I enjoy the company but because I’m not posting on a regular schedule it means that you’re dropping in and dealing with the shattering sorrow of nothing new to read. War, famine, and now this. How ever do I sleep at night contributing to your lugubrious condition. Lugubrious. Is a Thesaurus about the coolest thing or what?!
I drifted there for a minute but call off the dogs. I’m back. If you’re not familiar with RSS feeds, let me give you a 101. RSS stands for Really Simple Syndication and the name tells you about everything you need to know but don’t worry, I won’t let that stop me. RSS is a software that goes across the internet and looks for any new content on the sites you’ve told it to check and if any new content is found, the RSS feed gives you a heads up. My Yahoo!, Google Reader and Bloglines are a few of the free readers that will track your RSS feeds and let you know where there’s been an update. I personally use NetNewsWire for Mac because….well….because it’s pretty, okay?
Go to any of these feed readers and follow the simple sign up instructions provided on their site and no, it doesn’t involve wash, rinse, and repeat so you should all do quite nicely. Then come back to SisterFriends and click on either the little RSS button in the address line of your browser or on the “Content RSS” at the top of the far right column. There’s also a “Comment RSS” to notify you whenever a new comment is added. Clicking on either will open up a window that will then allow you to have your RSS updated in the reader you selected. Go to any and all blogs you regularly follow and do the same. In otherwords, repeat. That’s all there is to it. The next time you sign online, go to your reader and once the reader has taken a minute or two to check your designated sites it will notify and provide you with any new content that’s been added since you last checked. I have about 100 sites tagged for my RSS feed and within a few seconds I know if any of them have added something new instead of taking an hour to check a stack of bookmarked sites in my browser. What I’m trying to suggest is that you take a few minutes to subscribe to an RSS feed because if you do imagine all the extra time you’ll save to….that’s right….wash, rinse, and repeat!
It’s not at all surprising one of the recurring messages for GLBTQ Christians is that in being gay we’re creating a problem since something happens nearly everyday that gives that snarly little message another minute of air play.
In our families we hesitate in coming out to the people we love because we don’t want them to be upset. We worry about the burden it will be to them, the pain it will put them through, the conflicts it will create, and when we finally tell them we’re gay, we feel guilty at having been responsible in some way for their tears or anger; after all, if we’d never said anything, they would have been spared from it all. In our ongoing relationships with family and less than affirming Christian friends, we avoid revealing anything about our lives so as to not upset them further. While they talk easily about what’s going on in their lives, when it comes time for us to share what’s happening with us, we answer with a superficially-safe, “Oh not much, just more of the same-o same-o.”
We see what the issue of homosexuality is doing to the church. Christians on both sides are engaged in heated debates on the bible and homosexuality in their congregations, denominations, and right here on the internet. Mainstream denominations are threatening to splinter over the inclusion of GLBTQ people in the life and ministry of the church and the ordination of gays and lesbians. Straight pastors have been removed from their pastorates because they dared to preside at a gay wedding and other well-known personalities in the church world have been ostracized and ridiculed for voluntarily standing as GLBTQ allies and advocates in the church and society. As we celebrate those congregations that have declared themselves GLBTQ-welcoming and are grateful to our straight friends and allies who’ve paid a personal price, at the same time we carry a lingering sense of indebtedness to them and grief for all the fuss and bother our sexual orientation has brought to the church of Christ. We wonder whether we’re trying to push change too quickly and so we hesitate pursuing church leadership and avoid any physical contact with our partner within eye shot of the church building because it might be easier for everyone if we’re just a little less visible and vocal.
In these ways and others the message is reinforced that our sexual orientation is a major problem, responsible for division and tension in the church and stirring up pain and conflict in our families. We carry that voice inside ourselves and for some it becomes internalized and generalized to such an extent so that the problem is now no longer my sexual orientation but the problem is me. I’m a problem. I’m a problem to my family. I’m a problem to the church. I’m a problem to God. When we internalize the problem as ourselves then it’s understandable we find ourselves at times living as though we need to apologize for our very lives. “I’m here, I’m queer, I’m sorry.”
You are not a problem. That you are gay is not a problem. That you are gay does not even cause the problem. The problem does not belong to you. The problem is how others respond to us. The problem isn’t us but it belongs to those who respond to our full humanity as though it were a problem. No. That’s not even it. The real problem lies in all the erroneous teaching concerning the bible and homosexuality and the ignorant misinformation that’s been perpetuated about GLBTQ people over the decades. The problem resides in the church that already had a huge problem with the issue of sexuality long before we ever raised our gay voice. The problem lives outside us. The problem is not us. The problem is not you. I’m being repetitive here for a reason dear friend.
That the problem isn’t me or about me doesn’t mean I feel nothing in seeing the pain of those I love in my coming out to them, but rather than guilt or anger I feel compassion, recognizing that their pain comes from a lifetime of Christian teaching where exclusivity hides in the shadows of its doctrine and from those within Christianity who’ve used their public platform to promote fear and misinformation about gays and lesbians as a fund raising campaign and to seek conservative acclaim.
That the problem isn’t me or about me doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate the price that’s been paid by straight allies and friends. I’m deeply grateful and moved by the sacrifices I know have been made by so many but I hold that with knowing what they’ve chosen to do has nothing to do with me. In Micah 6:8 we’re called to be a justice people and so each time someone stands up for GLBTQ people that’s not something they’re doing for the sake of you or I, but something they’re doing for the sake of the Gospel. Just as you and I, as GLBTQ people are equally called to advocate for justice, not only for ourselves but for any and all who are marginalized and oppressed.
When talking one day about Christian ethics, a man I greatly admire said that “Everything we say and do says exactly what it is we believe about God. We live our theology.” Those words changed how I approach life. It’s the touchstone I constantly return to through the day, at least those days when I’m being intentional in life rather than moving through in a fog and a flurry. “What am I saying about God in the action I’m about to take or in the words I’m about to speak? What do I believe about God by this thing I’m holding in my heart; by this thought that I’m giving my attention?”
In claiming the wholeness of our lives as GLBTQ people and in particular GLBTQ people of faith we have nothing to apologize for, but rather we are declaring the theology of our hearts; that God is a creative God, a God of surprises, a God of radically ridiculous and extravagant love, a God who on occasion just can’t resist doing the most unpredictable things while working through the most unexpected people. A God of love, grace, and compassion. A God of those who are gay and straight and bi and trans and anyone that falls anywhere in the wildly creative spectrum of humanity.
In Gifted by Otherness, M.R. Riley recalls of her own spiritual journey toward reconciliation,
I was not convinced that I either had a problem or was a problem. I saw clearly that others had a problem with me, but their view seemed merely quaint and ignorant. To judge by the richness of my spiritual life, God did not have a problem with me. I believed then and believe now that I was born gay by the grace of God, and that God found this good, as God found all creation good.
Okay, I’m going to say it one more time. The message telling you that you’re a problem or that your sexuality is causing a problem is wrong. Wrong, so wrong, absolutely wrong. You have nothing to apologize for as a gay, lesbian, bisexual or trans person of God but everything about grace and wholeness to declare to a world that could use a double dose of both. And then some.
Have you ever sought the approval of others or been obsessed with what others think about you?
No. Wait. I’m probably the only one.
Or am I? Maybe I’m wrong.
Do you think I’m wrong?
I wonder if you think this is a weak opening. Do you think it is?
Maybe it’s not good enough and I should start all over again.
Should I start all over again? Do you think I should?
Huh? Do you?
I admit it. I’ve spent a big chunk of my life seeking approval from others to validate just about everything about me from the decisions I made, to the way I thought, to the person I was. No matter what I did if someone else noticed and gave a positive response I ended up feeling a little more smart, talented, interesting, funny, or insightful than I did before someone noticed. I loved that my mom and dad were proud of me as their daughter, that the parents of the church praised my ministry with their children, and that I received glowing feedback following workshops and various speaking gigs. I’ll even confess, since it’s just you and me here and I know you won’t tell anyone else, that it was a major ego-rush when I’d get a room full of children giggling and one of them would look up at me and say with an all too adorable, sweet, and adoring face, “Teacher Anita, you’re so funny! You make me laugh!” Maybe it was the clown costume, or the time I tossed a ball up in the air and a ceiling panel came crashing down on my head, or running around the room pretending I was an ape in the jungle complete with sounds and accompanying gestures and gyrations….so many choices to choose from.
People-pleasing, to one extent or another is a normal human quirk we all share but in my own life growing up in the church seemed to crank it all up another notch. Et tu? It wasn’t just about feeling a little smarter or prettier or funnier, but when people in the church approved of my actions and agreed with my words it meant they were not only validating my worth as an individual but my worth as a member of the community. I was one of them and I belonged. I was living in a way that matched the way they were living and believing as they believed, and should I have questions about what we believed, when our answers didn’t seem to fit the questions, I brushed my doubts aside. After all, everyone in my world, a very conservative evangelical world, were all on the same page with their answers and because I admired and loved them, then surely they must be right which could only lead to one conclusion; I was wrong, and if not wrong, at least weak for being uneasy with the certainty of the answers.
It’s funny really, or tragically sad that the Christian faith, supposedly centered in an individual’s personal relationship with Christ in reality seems to judge the personal in comparison to the community norm. What I mean to say is that our relationship with Christ and the way we flesh it out is expected to conform to the rest of the community and when it doesn’t conform, that’s seen as a red flag, a signal that something isn’t quite right with the one who does or sees things differently. Could it be that the church has come to be more interested in the individuals relationship to Christianity (their group) than to Christ? I’m just wondering this out loud.
So all that to say, there was a message that played around in my head as I confronted the realization I was a lesbian, a message that argued “Everyone in your world, all the people you love, your family, your friends, your church, and kabillions of Christians believe homosexuality is a sin. They read the Bible and say it’s message on homosexuality is clear. They can’t all be wrong so you must be wrong.” Of all the old messages this is the one that stayed with me the longest and played the loudest and I came to realize over time it plays for a whole lot of people in the church, gay, straight and polka-dot, and it continued to play for me until I came to recognize that a vocal majority of Christians (and the institutional church) have historically have been wrong about a boat load of other issues beginning with the prohibition of Gentiles into Christian community, enforcing slavery, second-class status for women, segregation and apartheid. Anyone heard of a little oops known as the Crusades? The thing is, we can vilify past and present generations of Christians for their wrongs or recognize that most were and are good and sincerely-motivated people, guided by their commitment to the Christian faith and grounded in their understanding of the Scriptures and sometimes they were simply wrong, individually and corporately. As they are today. Just as committed to their faith and just as likely to come to mistaken conclusions. I say that without judgment but with the understanding that I’m just as human and open to being in error as anyone else.
The message that plays telling you must be wrong because they must be right also disregards that the church (other people) aren’t the only source for guiding us to truth. Yes, we give attention to church tradition, past and present, but we hold it along with consideration of the Scriptures, human reason, and our personal life experience. Residing within evangelical Christianity I wasn’t familiar with John Wesley’s Quadrilateral or utilizing this method to guide my theological reflections. Truth had always been limited to the first, that being what my denomination and church espoused as truth, and while they referenced all they believed as being established in the Scriptures, it was according to their interpretation of the Scriptures. Reason was viewed as a lack of faith and human experience was seen as untrustworthy and corrupted by emotions and human desire. Reconciling my sexuality and faith was the first time I knowingly considered other factors apart from the view of the church and their interpretation of Scripture. It was the first time I paid real attention to my own life experience or brought reason into the discussion. I might have posted this before so stop me if you’ve already heard it but during a seminary discussion on biblical authority, the professor said “If as Christians we’re willing to give our lives to Jesus, why aren’t we willing to give him our mind at the same time?” I love that and give it to you as a freebie. No charge kids.
Ramble, ramble, ramble. What am I trying to say? Just this.
My long answer to this outworn message is that yes, a whole lot of Christians can be wrong about the same thing but regardless of whatever everyone else is saying I can’t build my life on their convictions and expectations. I have to base my life, actions, and words on what is the truest and most real thing I believe in faith.
Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Miracles happen. Water turns to wine. A basket of fish and bread becomes a feast for a crowd. The dead are raised with a two-word command. A glob of mud and the blind see. A hemorrhage ceases with a touch to a garment’s edge. Miracles happen, and everything changes in the blink of an eye, but most of the time change takes time and toil mixed with prayer and faith.
Four days. Four days ago I offered you the idea that we are who we are and that we love who we love, because it’s by God’s design and for God’s purpose. Being GLBTQ is our divine calling. This is the very way in which God wants us to live in the world and engage with the world, to be queer folks living out the Good News of Christ in wholeness and truth. I encouraged you to lay aside the other voices inside your head and give yourself permission for four days to believe that it’s not by mistake or by sin that you’re gay, but by the will of God for God’s good pleasure.
The four days are over. As much as I believe in the possibility of miracles, I didn’t expect all doubt would be erased and all the old messages silenced with a few words and a few days. Four days isn’t a holy number and the words of affirmation aren’t a magical mantra. But maybe, just maybe, during the last four days you had a little window of time in those 96 hours where everything but God’s assurance and love faded away into the distance. Did you have a moment like that? Were you able to breathe a little deeper while it lasted? Did the weight of self-doubt feel a little lighter? Whatever experience you had remember it, and when you remember it take the time to imagine walking in that assurance and freedom every moment of every day of your life, because whatever that time was like for you dear sister or brother, it’s only a taste of all that God has in store for you.
My schedule is a little weird while I’m still out of town but my intention is to spend a few more posts on transforming the old messages before moving into the unique gifts we bring to the church and world as GLBTQ Christians.
I was lurching through an eleven mile training walk yesterday when this song began playing on my iPod, and I knew I had to share it with you. It says far more than all my words above combined. Listen and know.
When I wrote the other day that I believe we are who we are and we love who we love because it’s by God’s design and for God’s purpose that we’re GLBTQ people; when I called being gay a divine calling, a holy vocation and for the sake of the Gospel, I was saying I believe all that today but I haven’t always.
I didn’t believe being gay was a gift when after 15 years of full-time ministry as a children’s pastor the senior pastor called me into his office and said “For your remaining two weeks as the children’s pastor at the church, I need to ask that you not be alone with any of the children; that you do what you can to avoid being with them at all.”
I had no confidence that being queer was a divine calling when the Christian publishing company called to inform me that while they still wanted to purchase my Christian Education program for national distribution it could only be under the condition that my name not appear as the author because they couldn’t risk having their evangelical market discover the material had been written by a homosexual.
I couldn’t have imagined it was God’s plan I was a lesbian when a Christian educator’s organization passed along word to me that despite having been one of their most popular workshop presenters over the previous six years, they were putting me on notice that they knew I was gay and therefore never again would be asked to speak at their annual conference or participate in any manner whatsoever.
I didn’t dare believe my sexuality was for the sake of the Gospel when it came time to receive the annual application to renew my denominational ministerial license in the mail and my mailbox remained empty; when a loved one who had supported my ministry from the beginning coldly said I should never have entered the ministry at all; or when I closed the door for a final time on an emptied church office where I’d counseled with parents and loved on their children through the main part of my adult years.
For all these reasons and for others held too close to my heart to openly share, I know that calling our sexuality a divine gift, a holy calling, God’s plan, and our purpose can be a challenge when the internal messages and external circumstances seem to reflect a different reality. I really do get it which is all the more reason why I admire you for taking on the challenge to believe something different if only for four days or for two.
All that I mentioned above came about in the first two months following my own coming out as a lesbian. While I had already come to peace concerning being a Christian and a lesbian, I understood my sexuality at that time as something more akin to a burden than a blessing, an oops of God rather than a gift of God. After all, it was coming at such a high price and then there was all that had been lost around my ministry. I had loved the ministry and that my greatest responsibility in my call had been to simply love people and tell of God’s even greater love for them. I couldn’t help wonder if the most meaningful and rewarding years of ministry were behind me.
Haman had tricked King Xeres into issuing a decree that would lead to the destruction of all the Jews. When Mordacai learned of Haman’s plot he sent a messenger to Queen Esther his niece, a closeted Jew, that she should petition her husband the king for the salvation of the Jews. When fear caused Esther to resist the idea, the message Mordacai sent back to her was this:
Do not think that because you are in the king’s house you alone of all the Jews will escape. For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14)
Uncle Mordacai dares to suggest that the reason Esther had ever become queen, gaining privilege and renown might well have been for this very moment by placing her into a position where she could save her people, bringing relief and deliverance to the oppressed.
I read this passage one evening during my personal devotional time and something about it grabbed hold of me. Several weeks later I went to a GLBTQ Christian gathering where Marsha Stevens was the keynote speaker. Marsha told of her early years in Christian music when the Jesus Movement exploded and we (the currently middle-aged we) were all listening to Christian groups like Love Song, Second Chapter of Acts, and Children of the Day. She’d written the song, “For Those Tears I Died” while still in her teens, a song that was part of my own youth, playing it over and over again on my clunky 8-Track, strumming it’s simple chords on my acoustic guitar, and carrying the alto line in the church youth choir. Marsha recounted how after coming out as a lesbian she began to receive packages in the mail from churches around the country, filled with copies of her song torn from church hymnals and song books in angry protest upon learning the song writer was gay. In the midst of what must have been a devastating time in her life, Marsha turned to the story of Esther and the words “For such a time as this” rattled inside her, and rather than grieving the past success in ministry she’s once experienced, Marsha continued on to sing and proclaim the Gospel message as an out lesbian Christian and to establish a ministry that’s taken her around the world, healing and blessing the lives of countless GLBTQ and straight people. Marsha believed that all her past successes and accomplishments had been to prepare her for such a time as this.
For such a time as this. The phrase bounced around in my heart for days and then months and when it came to finally rest the idea that being gay was the purposeful intention of God for my life replaced the sense that my sexual orientation was merely a fluke or a flaw. I could never have imagined doing anything in ministry more rewarding or meaningful than all those years of pastoring children and their families, but then I could have never imagined the utter joy of the opportunities I’ve been given in recent years to proclaim God’s unconditional love to GLBTQ people or to anyone for that matter who needs to hear the message of the love of God, the message of the Gospel.
So many doors closed years ago but even more have been opening ever since. I’m an ordained clergywoman. I officiate at the table. There have been opportunities to preach in church and lead workshops designed for GLBTQ Christians. Every Sunday morning, I scrunch down onto a small carpet circle in the front of the church and gather another generation children around me to tell them how precious they are to God and how great is God’s love for them. And then there’s this online ministry. How would have thought this up but God? I could never have imagined or thought to ask to be part of anything like this nor can I ever tell the joy I feel when even one woman writes to say that something here has helped her draw a little closer to God. It makes my knees weak every time. In the end I lost nothing in coming out that wasn’t given back to me in extravagant abundance.
Everyone is called by God and we spend our lives seeking to live into that calling; to discover our way of being the presence of Christ in the world. The calling doesn’t stop the day we come out. The voice of God isn’t silenced even in the closet. God’s hand is on you. God’s spirit within you. God’s anointing upon you. Who you are is the very person God needs for you to be in this world. You have a way of speaking and living God’s love that will touch someone in a way that my life and others lives simply couldn’t do. Your life reflects a particular angle of God’s character and being that’s the exact angle someone else needs desperately to see. These might sound like sentimental words but they’re also very real. Nothing in your life is unusable to God. Nothing is less than a gift when devoted to God’s glory.
Whatever you’ve done in the past, wherever the present finds you, God has called you…for such a time as this.
I’d intended to have another blog entry up by today but mid-day I took a flight to the Pacific Northwest to spend a few days with my mom and so most of the day has been spent packing, departing, flying, arriving, and loving on mom. I pulled my laptop from my messenger bag only a few minutes ago and was so delighted and incredibly moved by the comments waiting to be added to the last few posts. To all those who’ve added a comment over the past 24 hours, or for that matter any time since day one of SisterFriends, I want to say thank you.
Thank you for the generosity of your words toward me and this ministry. They humble me, you humble me more than words can say.
Thank you for bringing the best of yourself here, sharing pieces of your life and faith, offering words of encouragement and care to another.
And I want to tell you how much I admire you.
To those who are struggling to reconcile their faith and sexuality I admire your courage and tenacity.
To those who’ve already passed down that road, I admire your boldness in coming out and claiming your wholeness.
To those who are straight allies and friends to GLBTQ people I admire your commitment to the heart of the Gospel that’s woven out of love and justice and and mercy.
To all of you without exception; gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning, straight and affirming, straight and uncertain, straight and opposing, I admire your devotion to the faith and to the God who is God of all.
You all amaze me. You truly do, and were I to make an audio version of this little post, you’d know how real the words I’ve just written are because you’d hear my voice crack with the emotion of the deepest of gratitude for you and for the God of Jesus who is solely responsible for anything of grace and love and hope and joy that happens here.
For more than ten years there’s been a growing community of Christian Lesbians that have been active members in the e-mail groups that grew out of SisterFriends-Together (formerly christianlesbians.com). Last week, the home of one of our long-time active members was destroyed by a house fire. While the women in our community are incredibly grateful that Tresa and her wife Shelly and several other loved ones escaped to safety, nearly all their possessions along with eight cats were lost.
If you would be interested in contributing to assist Tresa and Shelly in replacing those items destroyed by the fire that can be replaced, you may send a check to:
Grace Unfolding Ministries
P.O. Box 131
Danville, CA 94526
Please write “Fire Donation” in the memo line of the check. Be aware that SisterFriends-Together does not yet have 501c non-profit status, so donations may not be listed as tax-exempt on your tax filing.
If you visit this site often and have found any of our resources helpful, I’d ask that rather than contributing financially to support this ministry , you’d direct a small or large gift toward this special giving opportunity. Whether you’re able to donate or not, your prayers for Tresa and Shelly would be greatly appreciated, especially in this time as they hold both gratitude and grieving side by side in their hearts.
I’m being tested by God to see if I’ll remain obedient and faithful.
I’m being tempted by the enemy who wants to destroy me.
I was born with a defect in my personality or a genetic flaw.
Something happened to me in my childhood.
I gave into sin because I was spiritually weak.
I was just born gay.
I’m not really gay. I only fell in love with a woman.
Depending on where you are in the reconciliation process your answer to the question might be different today than it was last week or last month, and different than it might be a year from now. At some point early on in my own experience I tried them all on for size, sometimes all at once which made for some really crazy and confusing thinking and if these uncertain answers shared any common thread it was this, that the bottom line reason for why I was gay came down to being my fault. It was my choice, my weakness, my genetic makeup, my quirky predisposition, my sin.
In time I came to understand and accept that just as there exists indisputable diversity among our physical bodies, our emotional responses and our intellectual processes, it would then only reason that there are variances in human sexuality and how that sexuality was expressed from person to person. Homosexuality, heterosexuality, and bisexuality were then just separate points on the sexuality continuum. Simply put, God could have made all flowers on earth roses, but instead for no reason other than for the sake of beauty and for His enjoyment and glory, God splashed creation with a variety of flowers that number in the millions. And trees and birds and fish and fruit and on and on and on, so that it was no longer such a stretch to see that I was gay for no reason other than God’s an artistic genius and I’m one of God’s one-of-a-kind creations. As you are, perhaps for no more or less reason than for the sake of beauty and for God’s enjoyment and glory. Oh how God enjoys and glories in you!
So then, we’re gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered not by mistake or by sin, but this is who we are because we represent little pieces in the unique diversity of God’s creation, and for a season in my life that was my answer to the question, but I’ve come to another explanation. I want to suggest it goes further that God’s diversity of creation. Much further. And this is what I truly, absolutely, without hesitation or question believe.
I believe we are who we are and that we love who we love, because it’s by God’s design and for God’s purpose we’re the gay and lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people of God. This is our divine calling; a holy vocation. This is the very way in which God wants us to live in the world and engage with the world, to be queer folks living out the Good News of Christ in wholeness and truth.
When we can receive our sexual orientation or gender identity as God’s calling, it changes everything. No longer is this just my burden to carry through my life but this is a gift that’s been entrusted to me, a gift I’m called to share with the world. It’s no longer just about me and oh, how I love everything to be about me. My being gay is for the sake of the Gospel, as is the lovely voice of the gospel singer, the eloquent sermon of the pastor, and for anyone who’s gifted to do anything that brings hope and healing to the world in God’s name.
As GLBTQ Christians we have a unique ministry in the middle. We stand with one foot in the GLBTQ community and the other in the church and by our very lives we say to both that one doesn’t exclude the other. To the GLBTQ community we bring the reality of God’s grace to those who have experienced personally and collectively rejection and abuse in God’s name, and to the church we bring the constant reminder that the Gospel of Jesus, rather than dogma or doctrine, lays at the center of the Christian faith. In our very lives we’ve brought Christian and queer together. We’ve found a way to resolve the conflict, to reconcile these two pieces of our very identity and so if we can bridge that space within our own hearts, we bring hope that the same can unfold among GLBTQ people and the Church. There’s a place for Christ in the GLBTQ community. There’s a place for GLBTQ people in the church. We know this because there’s room in our lives for both to simply be.
I’d like to believe that some of you are on the same page with me and as you read along you’re nodding your head and saying “That’s right Girlfriend. Preach it!” but others I suspect struggle with the idea. You want it desperately to be true but it seems impossible especially when you consider all that you’re facing and all that you’ve lost. If that’s where you’re at I’m going to suggest you take on a little project. Here it is. For the next four days imagine that what I’ve just written is true; that you have the sexual orientation or the gender identity you have because God has given you a special calling and ministry. If four days is too long then just do it for two days. Just two. For the next two days when you pray, thank God for the gift He’s entrusted to your care and ask for guidance in living out your call in the day before you. When you rise from your prayers and move into your day, do so with the confidence and humility that your life is a living epistle read by all of the grace and love and awesome wonder that is God in Christ Jesus. Being queer is your spiritual gift and your ministry to the world. It’s not a mistake. It’s not sin. It’s not temptation or a test. It’s by God’s good pleasure that you are who you are and for the next four days or even only two, walk and talk and pray and breathe and move like it’s absolutely, undeniably, certifiably true. Forget the voices outside or inside your head that tell you you’re gay for other reasons and listen a while to this voice of calling and purpose, and see how it sits inside your heart.
In the next post, I’d like to briefly, she said with a smirk, look at the lives of Esther and Jeremiah, two people of God who wished at times for anything but the gift and the call they’d been given by God.
I believe in giving credit where credit is due and for that reason, I want to encourage any of you who haven’t yet read it to consider reading Gifted By Otherness: Gays and Lesbian Christians in the Church., which provides some direction for future posts in this series. Whenever I take something directly from the book, I’ll be sure to note it as such.
May 15, 2008 
Posted in Uncategorized 
No Comments »
Recent Comments